Hello, My Name is Stefanie

Do you ever have that panic where you realize that you have so many books and your reading list is so long that you cannot possibly ever read them all? I had the panic last night when my Bookman and I were in our library shelving the books that had been piling up around the house. For each book I put on the shelf I thought, "Must read more. Must read faster. I'll never get to read this book. I want to read this book." Afterwards, when I sat down to read, it was hard to decide which of the several books I'm in the middle of I should dive into. I had an overwhelming need to finish a book, to feel like I was making progress, to prove that, yes, I will read all those books. Unfortunately I wasn't close enough to the end of any book to be able to finish it. So I picked up The Sea, the Sea. I have about one-third of the book left to go. When I began reading it was with a frantic aggressiveness which oddly matched the mood of the character in the book. Not until I had read about ten pages did I begin to calm down and not feel so desperate. This morning as I write this and have my work day looming before me, I still feel a little jittery like I drank too much coffee. But it's not my half-cup of coffee goodness. No, it's the book addiction that has me jumping around. And it slowly sinks in that yes, this is an addiction. I will never be cured of it though. I don't want to be. I admit I am powerless, but no twelve-step bibliophile's anonymous will be able to help me. You won't find me praying for serenity but for the ability to read faster. Oh, and for several million dollars to miraculously appear in my bank account so I can quit my job and do nothing but read all day. That's not asking much is it? It is becoming clear that a reading binge is in order. I have taken Thursday and Friday off from work--I put in for the days off before this little jones--and am currently planning to read until I'm full up, until I can't keep my eyes open, until the words on the page blur and I can't distinguish life in the book from life in the "real" world. Now I just have to make it through these next few days and everything will be okay. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can...