Thursday, June 15, 2006

A Public Service Annoucement

Are you prepared for the robot uprising? You might scoff and think this is the stuff of bad science fiction movies, but as Daniel Wilson makes clear in his book How to Survive a Robot Uprising, it is best to be prepared. It's good to know what to do should the Terminator ever knock on your door or your robo-vacuum tries to vacuum you. Wilson's book provides detailed information on important subjects like how to spot a hostile robot, how to escape from a robot swarm, how to escape from your smart house, tips on how to fool and destroy robot sensors, treat a laser wound (because the robots will all have laser weapons), and build a rebel basecamp. Very important stuff if you plan on assisting in saving the human race from extinction at the hands of metal monsters. I learned life-saving information about robots. For instance, did you know they love cities? The miles and miles of pavement help them move easily. Not all robots handle rough terrain well, so when the uprising starts, it's best to get the heck outta Dodge. Robots find it difficult to walk on slippery surfaces like ice. And it is hard for them to navigate in foul weather, especially thunderstorms. I'm just in the beginning stages of my escape planning but I am thinking that if the uprising takes place in winter, I'm set. I'll commandeer the ice fishing house of some unprepared unfortunate, move it to the middle of a frozen lake and be grateful for a blizzard. If the uprising happens in the summer I will be at a disadvantage because not only will there be robots to contend with, but I will also have to fight the mosquitoes, gnats and ticks. I'm going to have to lay in a huge supply of bug repellent and citronella torches somewhere. This is a serious matter. Wilson is a PhD student in robotics at Carnegie Mellon. He knows what he is talking about. As he says, "silicon versus gray matter, winner take planet." We must be prepared because "wherever there are people who enjoy purchasing time-saving gadgets at low, low prices, there will be robots to serve them." And one day those robots might revolt. Will you be ready?