Saturday, January 01, 2005

Confession, Excuse, Resolution

Confession When I mention on occasion the teetering pile of books next to my bedside I am referring to a real pile of books. Actually there are three piles. And these piles are getting out of control. I currently have over 60 books stacked there; they are so packed in that I can't count them all. There are eight books with bookmarks in them. For some reason I am embarrassed by this pile. I am not sure if it is a sign of laziness and untidiness. Or it could be a sign that my family's pack-rat gene, which I thought I had avoided, is alive and well. Or I could just have a severe book addiction. Whatever it is, it is out of control. Excuse I only put books on the pile that I really want to read. I mean to get to each book that is sitting there "next." But there are too many books to be next and sometimes a book that wasn't even on the pile gets to be next. The pile also serves as a way to not forget the books that I really want to read sooner rather than later. I used to be more efficient about putting away books that I wasn't going to read immediately. But then I found that I would forget about them completely. I tried keeping a list to help me remember but that didn't work. So I began piling up the books. Now even this has failed me because I don't even know what is on the bottom. Nonetheless all the books are there for a reason and I am reluctant to do anything about it. But I am afraid that a disaster might happen. The next book I put on top might tip it all over and damage might occur. I also like to have a glass of water or a hot drink next the bed when I am reading there and I worry that I might spill. I have before but there were fewer books at the time. Resolution So, I resolve that by the end of the year I will have only 20 books next to the bed. That includes all the books I am in the middle of reading. I need the whole year to do it so I don't get post traumatic stress disorder from the sudden change. To help make it a gradual change I will have "only" 47 books there by April 30th. By August 31st the number will be whittled down to 34. And then by December 31st there will be 20. I am already worried about the pile shrinking. For some reason I find security stacked there. It's sort of like Granny Next's "curse." She couldn't die until she had read the world's ten most boring books. For me my pile of books means that nothing truly bad could ever happen as long as I have all those books I still have to read. It is sort of silly. And it isn't as if the books, not being in the pile, will disappear. I will still have them, they will just be shelved in the library. And that is the bright spot in all this. I will be made to visit the library in the basement more often. And since I have trouble remembering all the books that my Bookman and I own, I will have the pleasure of discovery and surprise. What a nice thing that will be, that little bubbly feeling in the stomach and shiver of excitement. Thats sounds like falling in love doesn't it? Well then, this resolution might not be so bad after all.